Hineni
Because sometimes 'I'm here' just isn't enough.
This post takes its place up in the list of posts that just didn’t want to be written.
I’m not sure why. It’s a post steeped in some of my now biggest passions, yet for some reason, over the past two weeks the words just haven’t found their way to make it through my fingers and onto the screen… Alas, here we go…
Leaving Israel, as regular readers and my friends will know, is something that I seem to struggle with. There is no place I hate more, than what I believe is to be one of the most beautiful airport departure lounges in the world (And no, I don’t mean Terminal 1). It’s the bitter sweet feeling of leaving behind your homeland to go back to the land which you call home.
This time, however it felt different. Once again, being in Israel felt different… Perhaps the true importance of being in Israel didn’t hit home until now. But it’s without a doubt that being there, was not only the usual cocktail of special, meaningful, fun and at moments a light nightmare, but also damn important…
It’s difficult to explain to my non-Jewish friends, (and often no easy feat to explain to my Jewish friends), why I’d leave London for 13 days and head to a country considered to be under attack.
Why would I go somewhere, knowing my day could be interrupted by the need to take shelter from rockets being fired at me by a group of terrorists… Or why when I knew that Tel Aviv and Jerusalem were statistically less likely to be under a rocket attack, I’d choose to hire a car and drive north to Haifa, to meet my friend’s 10 (now 12) week old baby (who has already been in a shelter as many times as she is weeks old).
The challenge in explanation was not just at home - Even when I had arrived in Israel, I was asked “why?!… why would you come now… why would you come here… have you lost your mind?!”
For the record, I’m happy to admit that I lost my mind a long time ago.
When I wasn’t spending time with my Framily (Yes, that’s friend-family), I was spending my time leading a tour…
You see, as hard as it was to justify why *I* would go and visit Israel now… it was even more difficult to explain how I’d had a slightly bonkers idea, and through it managed to convince 20 members and leaders of their Jewish Employee Resource groups to fly in from America on a 6 day tour.
… and to top this off, for three of them, this was their FIRST TIME EVER in Israel.
For those 6 days, we toured the country - Tel Aviv, Otef Aza (the Gaza Envelope) and Jerusalem. We learnt about our country, our people, our history and most importantly, our resilience.
We bore witness to the events of October 7th and we played our part sorting fruit and vegetables at the incredible Leket Israel which were sent round the country to those most in need.
We went to places that many Israelis haven’t been and won’t go.
The wounds are too raw, and the feeling too close for comfort. The reality of the this, no more prevalent, than through the sound of heavy artillery fire, which ricocheted through the site of the Nova festival, abruptly punctuating the incredible story of heroism being told to us by Yossef Ziadana who personally saved 30 people from the festival.
The war is not over, the hostages must come home, and those who live in the otef, on the border with Gaza, must be able to rest assured that their tiny slice of Gan Eden (the Garden of Eden) is safe, and that they are never at risk of a repeat of that dark saturday in October 2023.
In absolute equal importance to visiting the sites of October 7th, was simply visiting the mundane and the normal. The market, the square, the shops. Everywhere we went, was a continual reminder of the absolute unwavering resilience of our people.
Our ability to suffer something unimaginable, to be sad, scared and concerned and yet also realize that the best way to survive is to not forget about what has happened or is happening, but to dust ourselves off and carry the heck on.
There was no better reminder of this resilience when on the first night, Hizbollah decided to welcome the group, with a missile fired at Tel Aviv. We were briskly dispatched to the stairwells (the safe space), where we waited for the allotted 10 minutes. (sharing selfies and WhatsApp messages).
Once those 10 minutes were up, the hotel manager proclaimed “WINE” and promptly opened a bottle and and passed out glasses to hotel guests in the reception/bar area.
We joke often that Jewish festivals are often “They tried to kill us, they didn’t succeed, let’s eat” and here I was living it first hand… L’Chaim!
It was SO important not to spend time just on the negative. We visited the Knesset, met amazing soldiers in recovery or just back from Lebanon, learnt about our ancient history on a tour of the Kotel tunnels and had the most amazing Friday night dinner in the home of an incredible Rabbi and his wife.
We learnt as much about others as I think we learnt about ourselves, and I am hopeful that we’ve created another little framily which will go on to support each other as time goes by. (To y’all - Thank you so much for coming along on this journey with us! Ani Ohev Etchen)
We shared a lot with our Israeli brothers and sisters - from drinking and dancing in the market, to understanding the pain of the past year, to looking forward to in hope for the future. We listened to them, and explained to them that we understood.
We too feel as if we are at war.
While not the physical warfare our brothers and sisters are unfortunately now used to, our lives in the diaspora have been shaken the past year. Spaces in which we felt we were safe, we are no longer sure. People we thought were friends haven’t been there for us. Those we thought would stand by us and support us have at best turned their backs and at worst turned against us.
And so, for a while it was strange to me, that so many Israelis would ask: “But… why are you here? why now?” They were above and beyond thankful that we were there, yet deeply confused as to why.
While I never believed I’d write these words (yes, even on a blog called “Curiously Jewish”), the answer, I believe lies in the Torah;
While you could use the phrase “Ani Po” - “I’m here” to answer a call to your name or a call of “where are you?”, there is a single word which is used often when something important is about to happen or there is something challenging that needs to be done:
Hineni.
When G-d calls on Abraham to sacrifice his son, in the story of the Akedah he knows that the need is more than just “I’m here”… He replies “Hineni!”.
When Moses is walking through the wilderness having tended his flock and sees a bush on fire. Nothing around the bush is burning, and as he tries to get a closer look, G-d calls to him; “Moses, Moses”… Moses realises the importance of the moment, and doesn’t reply “What on earth is going on?!” he replies “Hineni”.
Hineni is a pure, an uninhibited declaration of being present. I am here. Right now. Ready.
Each time it is used in the Torah, the person speaking it has no clue in which the way their lives are about to be changed… and yet, sensing a call greater than themselves they offered up their readiness to do what needs to be done.
Literally speaking, Hineni means “behold me”. It’s the kind of declaration we don’t get to make often in life. To give boundless support, to be present in the moment and to engage with a whole heart knowing that you may make change.
And so, when our Israeli brothers and sisters ask “Why are you here? why now?”… The best answer I can give them is Hineni. We’ve heard the call. We want to be present with you, to support you and to stand with you, as we write this awful chapter in our amazing history together.
For those of you who haven’t visited Israel yet since October 7th; I implore you. Now is your time. Hear the call. Go and visit. You don’t need to go to the Otef. You don’t even really need to go and volunteer. You just need to go. For the most healing thing you can do right now, is support the greater Jewish mishpoche (family) by standing with them….
…or sitting and fressing with them… or just buying schmattes in the market and talking to them.
If you’re worried, about travelling, think you would rather go on an organized tour, want tips or trip ideas, please reach out to me… and who knows - maybe enough of you will message me that I’ll create a “Curiously Jewish” trip too!
With hope for the speedy return of the hostages,
Yours,
Steven
